Something to ponder....

I originally posted this in June 2010 as a note on facebook, but given these times of even more political uncertainty I felt that it was worth reposting. The news is more distressing than ever as we as American citizens become even more divided and political extremist seem to be taking center stage. My hope is that the American people will once again find their sense of community and pride and look to their fellow man as their neighbor and not their enemy. We cannot roll back the clock to a time when we lived in an exclusionist nation therefore we must find our way into living within a global community without stepping on the necks of others.  

The following is a speech delivered at Friends University commencement May 2010. As I sat in Hartman Arena beaming with pride and excitement at watching my younger brother graduate, I was not prepared to be riveted to my seat by a keynote address. My ears perked up at the introduction of the speaker, Dr. Gretchen Eick, a history professor at the university but what she said so impressed me and provoked a deeper level of thought that it has stuck with me. I recently wrote to Dr. Eick and ask for a copy of her address and she was gracious enough to share so I am passing on the pearls of wisdom to you. Enjoy!

How many of you stayed up all night at least one night this week completing the work you needed to do to earn your college degree? Let’s see a show of hands.

How many of you have been looking back on your years at Friends and recalling major changes in your life that occurred while you were in pursuit of this moment?

Some of you lost family members very important in your lives; some of you were surprised to gain new family members!

How many jobs did you gain and lose?

How many times were you forced to rethink assumptions you brought with you to university?

How many of you sat in your advisor’s office at least once totally overwhelmed by the task of getting through college while working , caring for family, and trying to find the cash to pay your mountain of bills?

People tend to tell others that your college years “are the best years of your life.” Not so. The best years of your life lie ahead of you, even if at this moment you are uncertain what comes next.

A former student of mine wrote me this week, “I think one thing for graduates to remember is that they have to be open to the fact that the life they may have planned for themselves, might not be the one that actually happens”

Be prepared for major surprises. Some of the surprises you will welcome with excitement; others will break your heart. But you can depend upon it: your life will hold frequent changes of course and the dreams you hold today will morph into new dreams in the process of living.

POINT ONE: Don’t be afraid of change.

POINT TWO: Your family is global. Those families in Kandahar, Afghanistan and Baghdad, Iraq, in Haiti and Nigeria, Burma and Sri Lanka, they are your family. When innocent civilians explode into fragments of flesh anywhere in the world, their shattered lives are connected to your wellbeing. The horror and injustice of their lost lives affect your future whether or not you realize it. A youth who watches brutal treatment of his family members may seek revenge. Oil spills that ruin coastal ecosystems and national disasters that render hundreds of thousands of individuals homeless affect you. Belonging to hundreds of distinct cultures, speaking many languages and practicing different religions, your family is worldwide and the whole planet is your neighborhood.

POINT THREE: Life comes with consequences. You live in a nation that currently is experiencing a life or death struggle over whether anyone outside our borders matters and over whether government has the right to restrain or regulate the accumulation of wealth in the face of the disastrous disparity between the haves and the have nothings. The rhetoric of hate has found new life this year and if you participate in it, there are consequences. If you join the rhetoric of hate you will endanger the precious heritage your foremothers and forefathers worked very hard to ensure for you.

Let’s think for a minute about that heritage that is yours.

You live in a country that has a long history of expanding recognition of basic human rights and freedoms. Expanding freedoms did not come easily or without struggle. Indeed, we outlawed slavery 33 years after our colonial mother country Britain outlawed it in all of her colonies. But gradually we expanded our understanding of who was guaranteed rights to include first EuroAmerican men who did not own any property, then to African American men, then to women, then to Native Americans, then to young adults and children.

That struggle to expand our understanding of who has basic human rights continues.

You live in a country that has been multicultural since its inception. One third of its territory was Mexican long before it was added to the United States. The Native Americans who lived on this land before anyone else were more diverse in cultures and language families than virtually anywhere else on this earth.

When Europeans came to explore and claim land for their rulers, they came with Africans. In fact, more than a quarter of a million {300,000} Africans came to the Americas from 1502-1619, far more than all the Europeans who came combined. We have been multicultural from the start.

You also live in a country where people argue obstreperously over what they believe and what should and should not be the role of government, often polarized between commitment to individualism and commitment to community. Arguing and debating is fine, essential to democracy. We need to talk about what to do about growing disparity between rich and poor and what can be done to address it. As Ron Paul has written, that growing gap is dangerous for our democracy : “Our system of freedom is skewed and is becoming very dangerous (approx. 100 million US citizens [--those who own no property] experience ZERO freedom)”. [That is one third of our population!] Paul continues: “You can only cage humans for so long and then something has to give. When liberty is skewed into the hands of a very small number of the population, then our ability to "self-govern" becomes a complete and utter illusion.”

Today we hear loud and angry voices defying our government and shouting for states’ rights; 13 states are demanding the right for states to nullify federal laws. Those are the ideas that brought us to civil war 141 years ago! More than half a million [600,000] Americans lost their lives in that struggle before our national government was recognized as sovereign. Don’t get swept up in angry rhetoric and actions. To paraphrase James Madison, the father of our Constitution, majorities rule but mobs are dangerous.

Use your college education to investigate various perspectives rather than listening only to one. As President Obama said this week, watch Fox and MSNBC! Our American Revolution produced the writer Thomas Paine who wrote in his booklet entitled The Crisis, “We have no other national sovereignty than as United States. It would be fatal for us if we had…Our citizenship in the United States is our national character. Our citizenship in any particular state is only our local distinction.”

So what does this have to do with you as you sit here in your caps and gowns?

Back to CONSEQUENCES. If you move into the rest of your life with a smug certainty that your culture, your religion, your ideas are the BEST and the ONLY ones worth considering, you will steal the future from your children and those who come after them.

Don’t be afraid of change.

Care about your extended (global) family and the neighborhood you share with them.
And
Think about the consequences of your actions and of our national and local actions; take your citizenship seriously.

We people of the United States comprise only 5% of the world’s population—a very small part of the whole—yet we are the richest 1% of the world’s population . With blessing comes responsibility. I have come to know many of you during this part of your journey. I believe you are up to the challenge. I hope you are up to the challenge for your global family members are counting on you.

For the Love of Food

I'm no chef and I rarely get 'creative' in the kitchen. But like most people I can follow a recipe (I say most because believe it or not I have met people who can't) and I not only love good food but I love to cook. I get excited every time I find a new recipe that makes my tummy scream YUM! I follow a lot of food blogs searching for the YUM factor and while they range for cooking for dummies to holy crap I need a professional kitchen and Donald Trump's income to make that I still love them all! But my favorite would have to be Gabi Moskowitz's BrokeAss Gourmet. I will confess it was the title that grabbed my attention I actually laughed out loud when I read it. But since I began following Gabi and her BrokeAss, not a week goes by that I don't include at least one of her recipes in my menu planning. The recipes range from my 8 year old niece could make that to I might need to try this again, but I have never been disappointed. Aside from being yummy and creative, Miss Moskowitz has a sharp sense of humor and reading her blog is as much fun as cooking from it. One of my favorite features of her blog is that she includes the cost of ingredients, which lets face it no one is more broke than college students! Having certain health issues I have found that avoiding processed and pre-packaged food to be to my benefit but as everyone knows cooking from fresh ingredients can be expensive. One trick that I have learned is to buy just what the recipe calls for. I go to the meat counter and get my meat instead of buying packaged - the butcher actually sold me just two strips of bacon for her Baked Pasta w/ Leeks, Spinach, Bacon & Cheddar recipe - which scored an A+ with me!
These are just a few of the many reasons why BrokeAss Gourmet is my favorite food blog...of course my dream blog would be one that would not only include the great YUM Factor of B.A.G. but include weekly menus at or around $50 a week - I hate menu planning, and have the ability to adjust the recipe by serving - Allrecipes.com provides this but I seldom find recipes that are original and fresh to try.
I highly recommend checking out Gabi and her blog and for you fellow iPad owners check out the newest App -Appetites where Gabi and 5 of her fellow bloggers share recipes and step by step cooking instructions!
Happy Cooking (and eating)

You What Burns My Arse? No It Isn't A Flame About 4 Feet High!

It's been a long time since I have written a blog, mainly due to lack of time, but mostly because I needed to step back and shield myself from letting things upset me (thus distracting me from focusing on what needed to be done). I don't really enjoy going on a rant, it means that the world around me has dealt enough negative energy that if I don't rant I'll implode. Though not ranting seems to be as unhealthy as ranting, and after my trip to the National Archives yesterday, I've reached my limit. For the last few years I have limited my time with society-mainly because it just pisses me off! I believe I am a good person, I treat others the way that I would like to be treated. I believe I am fair and open minded, but I've had enough (again). Below are just a FEW reasons (sadly the list grows longer with each passing day) of why I prefer the sanctity of my own home and the company of my loyal four legged friend.

People have lost the ability to just be polite!


Yesterday while out and about I asked a man if he had the time. He looked at me as if I had asked for his kidney, shook his head and walked away. REALLY! What the hell?! It was a simple question, it would have taken less than a second to answer. I asked politely, I don't think I  look like a homeless panhandler so the next question out of my mouth would have hardly been "brother can you spare a dime?" but this idiot literally looked down his nose, gave me a disgusted look and walked away (for the record I had never seen this man before so he had no reason to behave with such disdain towards me personally)!  As a pedestrian in this city I understand what a pain it can be when a stranger sparks a conversation. I have been asked a multitude of insane questions, heard all about a peoples personal woes, and more often than not learned far more about a stranger than I ever wanted to know about ANYONE! But I still always try and be polite and hope that the next person to open their mouth actually says something I want to listen to.

What's in it for me & keeping score


It seems that I have this innate ability to attract people who believe that being a part of their lives or 'friend' requires a scorecard. I have never really understood this but it prompted me to do a bit of house cleaning in the 'friend' department recently. It sometimes takes awhile for me to see things clearly when it comes to people, but I get there eventually, usually after I have been screwed over or hurt one too many times. More than anything it makes me just want to scream, and lately has prompted me to examine how it has become far more easy to shut others out than to let them in. In my mind being a friend means that you don't do something for someone with the expectation of something in return, and you don't keep a tally of your deeds/favors/ acts of kindness for use at a later time. If I do something nice for you, I do it because I care, I want to and I can! There is no other  motive! I have never said no to helping someone when I could! I have, however, all to often over extended myself financially, mentally and emotionally to do so.

Hate, Indifference and Ignorance!


This more than anything really burns my backside! People who form their opinions of a person or persons, religion, gender, political party, social status (you get the picture) based solely on the popular angry sound bites and fear mongering du jour! I still need to believe that we as humans are an intelligent species with the ability to reason for ourselves, yet there seems to be an ever increasing number of those who chuck out reason and critical thinking to jump on the latest bandwagon and start beating the drums with no real understanding of what they are talking about. In an age when facts and information are literally at our fingertips, more often than not (it seems to me anyway) people look to those charismatic fools on the idiot box to do their thinking, guide their conscience and dictate their lives. I have no patience at all for these people - I realize that this country and the world we live in are not perfect, but don't bitch to me or even around me if your attitude is why should I do anything-nothing will change!  It may or may not but it certainly NEVER will if everyone does nothing! Don't try and force feed me your politics and religion unless you have done your homework and are prepared for an intelligent exchange of ideas - I will not argue these things with your nor will I suffer your ill-informed condescending attitude. I will, however, listen to what you have to say and expect the same in return - you don't need to change my mind nor I yours. I am comfortable with you believing what you believe and respect your right to do so - but for the love of all that is good in the world do so from a well informed position not because so-and-so said. I know the history of your religion (Do YOU?); I know how the church, synagogue, or mosque you attend formed the ideology/theology you are taught today. I don't care what you believe - I do believe everyone needs to believe in something.  I have yet to discover a religious doctrine whose core values teach hate and violence. There are as many radical Jews and Christians as there are Muslims- think about that the next time you start making generalized statements.
I am not an economist, I don't have a degree in political science, but I am an intelligent person with the ability to ask questions of those who are in the know and reason for myself. I'm not perfect and I am not always right (nor would I want to be) but I know it is better to ask questions and be receptive and open-minded to all answers and judge what is best for me than it is to make broad sweeping statements and expect everyone to drink the Kool-aid. The transition from We to Me in our society has never served us well and when we finally begin to stop and consider the welfare of all instead of just ourselves only then do I believe that we will find the world will become a better place

We still have so much to learn about this world we live in. The old isolationist ideals of our forefathers no longer applies! We live in a global community and allowing others to suffer for our own benefit in my humble opinion, serves only to stunt the growth of humankind and should never be tolerated. James Arthur Baldwin once said, "Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go." We are more than just our religion, political party or even nationality and maybe it's time everyone started learning a bit of history if we ever truly want to understand our fellow man and the world around us.

Late Night Epiphanies

I have begun the process of transferring some of my old postings from other sites. More for myself than anything else. I enjoy looking back over things that I have written in the past to see where I've been and sometimes just how far I've come :)

There are those times, when I am lying awake at night in my bed reading or watching the television wondering if it is too late to take a sleep aid or I should try and get by on the 3 or so hours of sleep my chronic insomnia may so graciously allow me, that I sometimes have those little ah ha moments that seem to, in my sleep deprived state seem to make sense. Take tonight for instance, having put down  Shakespeare’s Sonnets and opted for some late night telly I found myself watching yet another episode of Sex in the City. Now it might have been the sonnets or watching yet another angst filled episode of the life of Carrie Bradshaw that sparked this latest reflection on my ever-evolving life, one can never really be sure at one in the morning.  After watching the girls re-enact a scene from Love Story and Carrie so bravely walk away from Big the words that she narrated at the end seemed to resonate in my mind-as she passed the surrey horse who was fighting his bit she has an epiphany – she didn’t break him, he was never able to break her – and that maybe she was destined to run free till someone just as wild could run with her. Pretty deep stuff in the middle of the night (said very tongue in cheek) all the same it got me to thinking. Now I don’t presume to know what thoughts wander through the minds of other single folk, especially because I always thought of myself as less than normal with a well lets just say quirky way of seeing things. Tonight however, as I listened to the final soliloquy it all became so clear (remember folks sleep deprived) in all the years of being single I just haven’t found someone as wild as me to run with. Albeit, my definition of wild vs. someone else’s is most likely quite different, while I enjoy spontaneity and a jovial good time I would hardly classify myself as wild. Complicated, different, at times a royal pain in the arse yes I would own up to all those, wild for me these days is adding marsh-mellow cream to my chocolate ice cream, running in the fountains (pick one Kansas City is loaded with them) or a last minute road trip (or flight to the UK) but really what was running through my mind all this time was could I really stand someone as “wild” as me? It really is a bit of a mute point I haven’t been out on a date in years. But it brought to mind a conversation I was having with a single family member the other night whose love life is much like mine (that being extinct) we pondered how does one begin again? I spend upwards of 50 hours a week on a university campus surrounded by 20 somethings and professors all of which are married or teach classes that I take and therefore persona non grata, I can see myself as eharmony type of gal, I’m a bit too old fashioned for that. So then I asked myself what was I to do? Truth be told there is no answer I am a firm believer that when things are meant to happen they happen, usually not in my time (which tends to really peeve me) but always at the right time. I have a great life, and for the first time in many  many years I am quite content and happy!  Still it was an interesting thought when I started writing …..so what do you think about at night when you are lying awake??

Your words cut deeper than you think…

Have you ever stopped to think that what you say to another person even in jest has deeper and longer lasting consequences?
Did it ever occur to you that when you make broad sweeping statements without considering your audience you are inflicting emotional pain on a fellow human being?
This is not one of those it’s time to be more politically correct pieces…quite frankly I think we have PC’d this world into quite a mess. But that is a story for another day. No today boys and girls I want to talk about just being more aware of the damage we do ever time we open our mouths and spew bile or senseless crap!
I know you are thinking that something had to have set this off …and well you would be right! Actually it is a list of things but with out pointing fingers or naming names I will do my best to address a few of them and I guess expose a bit more of me! (Warning it isn’t all pretty)
I woke up this morning later than usual and just couldn’t seem to get my day going…I got up had a nice breakfast and still couldn’t seem to get myself motivated to kick off my day—so after watching a couple of the Inspector Lindley episodes, I decided to take a book to bed thinking that I would fall asleep reading and wake up in a better frame of mind –6 hours later – I woke in the same funk but with a bit clearer mind. I started examining what was going on in my life that was causing this near paralysis and it dawned on me that I have a presentation coming up – it is time to present my research – or what there is of it anyway. Once again I am to stand before those I respect and admire and say “look what I did” something that usually makes me feel like, what I imagine, a hopeful young child showing their first school art project to his/her loving parents feels like. Since I have become a university student I have yet to be let down…I get loads of praise and support and more constructive criticism that I sometimes want but it never really hurts for I know that the people dolling it out believe in me for some strange reason. For those of you who have been following my journey you know that I struggle with esteem issues (I know who doesn’t right)
But there was something different this time …something that felt different. Then like someone had unlocked the flood gates it hit me… the what is it all for question. Why am I bothering to do this…who am I fooling I’m not good enough…I’m not smart enough. Toxic thoughts that I had managed, or so I believed, to silence some time ago came rushing to my mind …and then like a life preserver my rational mind kicked in (with a little help from Miss Parker on the Pretender – I know strange right) For sometime now I have been letting toxins slowly creep back into my world…not just in the form of food which accounts for my weight struggle but in the form of messages from those who are friends and co-workers… and I have allowed it.
Seven years ago when I freed myself from the toxic hell that was my previous life I vowed to not allow myself to be poisoned again…and to a fair degree I have succeeded. In the beginning I cut myself off from everyone I had no friends I didn’t socialize with co-workers and I didn’t speak to the tattered remains of my family. I more or less withdrew into the quite safety of my home and healed. I needed the solitude…but as we all know that can’t last forever (even though at times I wish it would) no I had to re-enter life and I have but here is where I think I have slipped up…made a mistake or just become too lax.
I have allowed the messages and toxic behavior of others to infect my life again…but this isn’t the abusive cruel toxic sludge… no this is the sneaky odorless gas that creeps into our lives and before we know it we are paralyzed within our own mind once again.
So here we go…. the purge is on!
When you sent me the yellow ribbon letter and said that I was a heartless so in so if I didn’t forward it on.
Did you ever stop to wonder that as a veteran of more than just a military war that I like so many other war wounded (not just physically) have more heart that those of you who send out these silly things but never served a day in your life? That I don’t need a ribbon or tag or email to remind me daily what those who serve in the armed forces face in war and so called peace time?
When you said you believed all women who got pregnant out of wed-lock and put their children up for adoption were shameful and irresponsible.
It cut like a knife…you may not have meant to hurt me I know you didn’t know that 20 years ago I found myself pregnant. That I chose to give that child up for adoption – not for any noble cause just because it is what my heart told me to do.  But not one day ever goes by that I don’t think about that choice and wonder if I did the right thing.

When you said that all I needed to do was dumb myself down a bit and men would be interested…that I only need loose a bit of weight and I would have loads of dates.
I know you were trying to be supportive. But after a life time of being told I am stupid I could never hide what I have worked so hard to achieve—I am a bright woman while I may not be a rocket scientist I am not stupid nor will I ever play at being stupid.
As to my weight…well I will never be a supermodel and I will someday be completely ok when I look in the mirror. But I have to find that balance between loving food and wanting to be thin-ish! But any man who can only see the size of my waist as a reason to meet or not meet me or who is threatened by a woman who can talk about more than the weather or latest sale at Macy’s well I don’t know that I really want to meet him either.
When you jokingly said that I would never be a good catch, that no man would want me.
Why didn’t you just shoot me where I stood…now don’t go getting all noble and thinking that “you don’t need a man to complete you” Because I call BULLSHIT – I will now and forever be a work in progress and no man will ever complete me (nor you I suspect – or woman should that be the case) But the thought of spending the rest of my life on this path alone well that is quite sad to me. I don’t know that I believe in “soul-mates” but one thing I do know is that I miss having someone’s arms around me when I watch a sad movie, that when I come home at the end of the day good or bad I always loved having someone there to share that with – and more than anything I miss waking up in the morning to the warm secure feeling that there is one other person in this world that understands the way I think and that even if they don’t always understand they at least love me anyway. There are many small things that I miss about having a man in my life…but never mistake my lack of one for not wanting one…I just have higher standards these days is all.
So from this moment forward I vow to speak up (not lash out) when my feelings are dinged…to shield myself form the build up of negative energy and toxins in my heart, mind, body and soul.
We don’t have to see eye to eye but we don’t have to hurt each other either!

Taking out the Trash

I have done a lot of stupid things in my life…. trusted the wrong
people (family) -loved the wrong men - too many to count (get you mind
out of the gutter I said loved not made love to) – hurt those who
didn’t deserve my wrath (again too many to count) – pushed away those
who tried to tear down the walls of my self-imposed prison!

Being a broken child - a confused and lonely adolescent – a wounded
young lady and finally (at least to this point) a less bitter, hopeful
and wiser middle aged woman. I find that I can no long assess blame for
my short comings on my insane mother and her many war crimes – that
those who abandoned me did so for their own sanity after foolishly
trying to restore mine for me – that I blew probably the one healthy
relationship and my chance at true love because I was the worlds
biggest chicken shit (either that or it was so long ago my old age only
allows the good memories to filter through)

I have smiled to hide the pain – raged against the world when I was
frightened – and locked away the remaining fragments of my heart and
soul believing that in doing so all pain would cease. I am a master of
illusion never letting anyone close enough to see the real me, finding
fault in others before they could see my own. My brother learned to
lick his wounds through religion and denial, my sister was outwardly
angry at the world (and a master bar brawler to boot) for my other
siblings I cannot attest I never knew them well (there are 3 others out
there somewhere). Harboring no ill feelings to any of them (though none
of us speak to each other) we all heal and deal the best we can.

I have discovered that no longer does apathy serve me. I moved past
forgiveness long ago (at least I thought I had) but forgiving someone
doesn’t stop the pain – or erase the memories (what few I still have –
thanks for the head injury Skeeter) in some sense it gave me this sense
of superiority – the whole “I’m the better person I FORGAVE YOU” schtick.
Yet I still believed that I had taken care of the whole forgiveness
thing! WELLLLLLL I guess I was wrong! (I am sure it won’t be the last
time) SO here it is. I am taking out the trash once and for all –
moving forward with my life and no longer are you responsible for the
evil in it – it is my life – my time – any mistakes or damage I do from
this point forward are of my own doing.

I forgive you for robbing me of my childhood – I forgive you for
allowing a monster into our home and into my bed – I forgive you all
the scars – the emotional ones the mental ones and even the physical
ones that will for now and always be my survival badge! – I forgive you
for leaving me as a small child to defend myself against the insane one
– I forgive you for never seeing that I was doing the best I could to
be the wife/daughter/sister/mother that you wanted me to be - but I had no one to emulate no teacher no

support and when I fell on my face you  rejoiced in my failure –
for that I not only forgive you but I forgive myself. I forgive you for
stealing my son – I forgive you for allowing him to be taken away from
me far to early. For everything I forgive you and I also forgive
MYSELF!!

No longer will I hide in shame – no more will I stuff the entire
contents of my refrigerator in my mouth to substitute for all that is
missing – While I freely absolve you of your crimes against me I will
never welcome you and your toxic minions into my life again. The
cleansing starts now right here this very moment not only will put
healthy things in my body – it is time to start putting healthy things
back in my soul- my heart will mend – I am taking down the walls,
albeit slowly, and the sun will shine on my face once more! The power
is mine now – it is high time I absolved you of the right to have any
power whatsoever over my or my life – it’s mine and I am claiming it
now and forever! (My final karmic disclaimer – I wish you and your
fiendish followers, all well far – far - FAR away from me!)

It was just one of those things

There are times when I am painfully aware that I am alone…
Sitting on my love seat last night all comfy and cozy I had just settled in, with my tea next to me made just the way I like, it my favorite soft blanket, my faithful hound curled up in my lap, and my book when I realized that my glasses were across the room.
After trying all the silly incantations I could remember from the Harry Potter books (hey anything is worth a try when the dog is comfy) I realized that no one but me was going to get up and walk across the room and get those silly things.  It was at that moment that I realized – wow I am alone! Now I know what you are thinking I have lived alone for many MANY years now and I would venture to say that 98% of the time I prefer it that way. I mean lets face it … I have to clean up after no one other than myself, I don’t have wrestle for the remote, I get to watch what I want to watch on the telly, it is quite when I want it to be, no one steals the covers at night when I am cold and seriously this list could go on and on and on… I used to joke with my friends that should I ever get married that I would probably have to live in a twin home—him on his side and me on mine! I like my space that much REALLY!
HOWEVER, there are those times when I realize that maybe my life choices aren’t all they are cracked up to be. That sometimes it would be nice to have someone there when you are presented with an award for your writing—to jump up and down with when you are published for the first time. Someone who will be there when you present your research and sit in the front row and smile because they know you are scared to death.  Someone to bring you tea when you are sick or sit next to you when you have had a bad day and listen, or who will laugh with you when you do silly things. Yes sometimes I think that would be nice…then again maybe I just really wanted to not have to get up and get my glasses!