Late Night Epiphanies

I have begun the process of transferring some of my old postings from other sites. More for myself than anything else. I enjoy looking back over things that I have written in the past to see where I've been and sometimes just how far I've come :)

There are those times, when I am lying awake at night in my bed reading or watching the television wondering if it is too late to take a sleep aid or I should try and get by on the 3 or so hours of sleep my chronic insomnia may so graciously allow me, that I sometimes have those little ah ha moments that seem to, in my sleep deprived state seem to make sense. Take tonight for instance, having put down  Shakespeare’s Sonnets and opted for some late night telly I found myself watching yet another episode of Sex in the City. Now it might have been the sonnets or watching yet another angst filled episode of the life of Carrie Bradshaw that sparked this latest reflection on my ever-evolving life, one can never really be sure at one in the morning.  After watching the girls re-enact a scene from Love Story and Carrie so bravely walk away from Big the words that she narrated at the end seemed to resonate in my mind-as she passed the surrey horse who was fighting his bit she has an epiphany – she didn’t break him, he was never able to break her – and that maybe she was destined to run free till someone just as wild could run with her. Pretty deep stuff in the middle of the night (said very tongue in cheek) all the same it got me to thinking. Now I don’t presume to know what thoughts wander through the minds of other single folk, especially because I always thought of myself as less than normal with a well lets just say quirky way of seeing things. Tonight however, as I listened to the final soliloquy it all became so clear (remember folks sleep deprived) in all the years of being single I just haven’t found someone as wild as me to run with. Albeit, my definition of wild vs. someone else’s is most likely quite different, while I enjoy spontaneity and a jovial good time I would hardly classify myself as wild. Complicated, different, at times a royal pain in the arse yes I would own up to all those, wild for me these days is adding marsh-mellow cream to my chocolate ice cream, running in the fountains (pick one Kansas City is loaded with them) or a last minute road trip (or flight to the UK) but really what was running through my mind all this time was could I really stand someone as “wild” as me? It really is a bit of a mute point I haven’t been out on a date in years. But it brought to mind a conversation I was having with a single family member the other night whose love life is much like mine (that being extinct) we pondered how does one begin again? I spend upwards of 50 hours a week on a university campus surrounded by 20 somethings and professors all of which are married or teach classes that I take and therefore persona non grata, I can see myself as eharmony type of gal, I’m a bit too old fashioned for that. So then I asked myself what was I to do? Truth be told there is no answer I am a firm believer that when things are meant to happen they happen, usually not in my time (which tends to really peeve me) but always at the right time. I have a great life, and for the first time in many  many years I am quite content and happy!  Still it was an interesting thought when I started writing …..so what do you think about at night when you are lying awake??